I am still bowled over by how Caitlin Lucas’ parents, Jay-jay and Feliz, managed to inculcate in such a young child so much trust and faith in the Lord. I continue to read their posts and look into their journey and find that I am completely lost.
Just this afternoon, my highly willful son disobeyed my instruction to bike towards me twice, nearly putting him in danger the second time.
I was upset, of course. Not angry but it showed me how little I’ve shown my son of the same trust that Caitlin displayed. And how can I when, even now, I just as wilfully argue against what the Lord tells me to do? Is my son not a reflection of who I am?
I told a friend once that my analogy for the Lord is that he is precisely like our parents. Our parents only want the best for us but they can only do so much. We are individuals who make our own choices. All they can do is be ready to support us, whatever the outcome. But how can I say that with confidence when my own trust has and still does falter?
There are very few instructions I’ve received that I did not question. Truth is, I was given a charge and to this day I feel that I failed in my duty to bring her to him. It’s the same kind of duty that I feel I am once again failing in: my duty to raise faithful and trusting servants of the Lord.
Of course, this is note solely my burden to bear. My husband is just as responsible as I am and we are both still learning this ourselves, having been away from him for many years. It’s not been easy.
It’s a daunting thing to be tasked with raising faithful servants when we are also still being tested. At the same time, I know we are capable of it because we were granted the children we have now. I firmly believe we wouldn’t have our children otherwise. Now it’s a matter of showing our children we have as much trust in his plans as we do faith. No more questions, no more arguing.
It’s not easy.