A parent in one mommy group asked about this “new age parenting thing”: the refusal to spank children for misbehaviour.
I honestly still chalk it up to differences in method.
I don’t know why “I turned out okay” is found to be a valid argument or defence for spanking. I was rarely spanked but I don’t quite consider myself as having “turned out okay” either.
I realise I’m a huge fan of “what’s right for you (right now)”, though. I prefer to make allowances for moments.
I’ve chosen how to deal with my kids. I don’t like to yell or spank. But I yell sometimes. I’ve managed to stop myself from hurting them. I’m trying to manage the temper I’ve not ever had control over so that my sons learn to manage theirs.
I won’t necessarily use the same tactic on other kids. Some kids I prefer to avoid entirely because I know I may spank them and I will feel bad about it no matter how well-deserved it may have been.
I realise I want for them what I didn’t and still don’t have: the capacity to communicate openly with my parents. I’m sure people think I can but the truth is that I can’t. There are many things I don’t tell them because it will hurt or offend them. I’ve grown accustomed to skirting around that which might offend them. After all, my duty is to understand where they’re coming from. And I do.
I just wish they were willing to understand my side, too.
I can’t do anything about them. I’ve given up on that. At the very least, I can give my sons that. I can give them the chance to grow up saying what they want to, even if I get upset over it, but they will be secure in that I will listen. I am listening.
That’s my goal. It’s draining me beyond belief because I’m extending understanding in all sorts of directions. But I fully intend to do it for my kids, o matter how hard it is now.